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“In Hollywood, it’s hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington.” #RichLittle
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“A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.” Jack Benny
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“I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.” George Burns
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“Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.” Euripides
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“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” Moliere
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“Most people die from the remedy rather than from the illness.” Moliere
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“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” #SamKinison

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” John Wooden (October 14, 1910 – June 4, 2010)

“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” #LeonardBernstein (August 25, 1918 – October 14, 1990)

“It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.” #TomBrokaw

“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.” #SidCaesar
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“Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” Woody Allen
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“Folks, I’ve been straight for seventeen days… not all in a row.” #SamKinison
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“The most beautiful words in the English language are not ‘I love you,’ but ‘It’s benign.” Woody Allen
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“Gold makes the ugly beautiful.” Moliere
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“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” Frank Zappa
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“Man is what he reads.” Joseph Brodsky
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“Exchange the words ‘have to’ with ‘get to.’ Exchange the word ‘can’t’ with ‘unwilling.” Jamie Lee Curtis
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“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” Woody Allen
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“I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.” George Burns
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