QUOTES

“One of the penalties of being a human being is other human beings.” Christopher Morley

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“Old breed? New breed? There’s not a damn bit of difference so long as it’s the #Marine breed.” #ChestyPuller (June 26, 1898 –October 11, 1971)

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“When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It’s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.” (Happy Birthday) #RickyGervais

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“Patience – a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.” Ambrose Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914)
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“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” #StevenWright
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“Sleep —  the most beautiful experience in life — except drink.”  #WCFields

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“When in doubt, wear red.” #BillBlass (June 22, 1922 – June 12, 2002)
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“If you’re not acting on your beliefs, then they probably aren’t real.” (Happy Birthday) #EdwardSnowden
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“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.” #StevenWright

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“Breathe and don’t try to be perfect.” (Happy Birthday) #NicoleKidman
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“Don’t try to add more years to your life. Better add more life to your years.” #BlaisePascal (June 19, 1623 – August 19, 1662)
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“Life is just a bowl of pits.” #RodneyDangerfield
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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually fearing that you’ll make one.” #ElbertHubbard (June 19, 1856 – May 7, 1915)
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“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” #AmbroseBierce

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.” #GrouchoMarx
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“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.” #MitchHedberg
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“I drink therefore I am.” #WCFields
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“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” Steven Wright
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“Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.” H. L. Mencken
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“Two is company; three is fifty bucks.” Joan Rivers

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“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” Jack Benny
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